Ramblings of an Insomniac Friend

To Watterson and my friend, a few insomniac thoughts:

Here’s Watterson’s speech: http://www.elise.com/quotes/webwisdom/watterson.htm

So why are we made this way? Why are we where we are? I guess it’s because of the way we are made. We are creative, passionate and ambitious. In Spiderman’s words: “It is a gift, this is my curse”

Passion – Throw us anything, and we are after it with blind eyed passion. Case in point is our work. We just need to believe in it, outperform, excel and what fucking not. It’s no longer just a job; we make it a personal affair. It’s the reason we will never get to a point where we will “absolutely hate” our jobs. Case in point is our love lives – we need to feed off one long passion hose for a relationship to even have a chance of survival.

Ambition – We still get an erection from being “successful”. So why is being “successful” so important to us, if we can really see the sense in Watterson’s definition of “leading a life that reflects your values and satisfies your soul”? Why do we still get competitively driven to fight our way up a corporate ladder?

Creativity – This is the one that suffers the most, but unfortunately doesn’t ever die. We have this creative streak in us. It’s the bluebird inside us. It might be subdued for long periods of time – snowed under work, insecurity, inertia, shit and what not. But every now & then, ever so inoften, it surfaces again. And it surprises you with its existence.

So the bluebird inside us will keep asking what else we could have been good at. If we are as talented as we know we are (no fucking modesty needed here), there is always this nagging feeling that we might be punching at a lower weight class. The bluebird wants to know if there is “one big passion” that will define our lives. Is there something that we are missing out just because we haven’t put ourselves in the right place? Have we given ourselves the right opportunities to see our full potential be utilized and stretched?

The questions that the bluebird poses come back to fuck our brains inside out. Especially when there is a lull – when work is at a standstill and there is nothing to direct all the passionate, ambitious, creative energy towards.

So I guess its best to keep the bluebird well fed. How many times have we made a conscious effort to move the status quo and really devote time to do something that we can step back from and be way too fucking proud of? How many times, have we invested in building out a few more vectors, a few more avenues that can use our passion, creativity and ambition? All this talent, all this potential – are we creating new challenges that we want to set it up against? And is it something beyond work; someplace where the bluebird can breathe easy?

At the end of the day, if our choices keep the bluebird well fed, I think we will turn out ok. Most decisions which are made to satisfy social context, arrive at a convenient settlement or to maintain harmony – will work for others. I don’t think our bluebird will be satisfied in the long term, and that’s a real bad position to be in.

I’ve asked way too many questions – and I didn’t mean to ramble. It’s just that there are no answers, there are only choices. And I hope like hell, that we make the right ones.

A parting note: I wouldn’t get too cynical about having to hear ‘easy’ philosophy from people at the top i.e., Watterson’s ilk. After all, here you are reading my mental meanderings – and I am as much a pauper in my wallet as in my life.